Friday 16 September 2016

How Facebook exposed my mediocre parents

A man has described his horror at discovering through Facebook that he may have second-rate parents. 

Gavin Blenkinsop, 23, had previously considered his mum, Elaine, and dad, Paul, loving and supportive parents. However, he is now concerned he may have been short-changed his entire life after noticing that a friend, Mandy, had identified her parents as the “best mum and dad ever”, in a Facebook post marking their 20th wedding anniversary.

Gavin made the discovery last night, after logging on to Facebook to check if his friends still thought their pets and children were cute. 

"At first everything was fine," he said. "There was a post from my friend Mike, in which he made it clear that he still thought his two-year-old daughter Beth-Rae was adorable, just like he did last time. That was a huge relief. 

"Then there was another from Jessica at work, showing a picture of her cat sitting on her lap with the caption 'bliss!' 

"But then I saw this post from Mandy, who's on my pub darts team. There was a picture of her parents about to start a round of mini golf, with the caption 'best mum and dad ever'. 

“I was devastated. I'd never realised there was such a clear-cut hierarchy before."

Gavin said the discovery has forced him to re-evaluate his upbringing. He has already cancelled plans to go to his dad's 60th birthday party while he "figures shit out".

He said: "On my tenth birthday, I got a Spiderman toy that shot out a web when you clicked on a button. I've always thought that I loved that toy.

"Now though, when I think back, I remember that I actually lost it on a holiday in Devon a few months later. We were on a pedalo and it fell into a lake. My dad didn't even dive in to rescue it. Mandy's mum and dad would never have let that happen.

"Then there was the time I twisted my ankle playing football. If mum and dad had bought me the Sega Mega Drive I'd asked for, I would have been safe inside playing Sonic the Hedgehog, and my ankle would have been fine.

"What's really bothering me, though, is that Mandy's mum and dad were violent alcoholics who used to lock her in a cupboard if she forgot to buy them cigarettes on her walk home from school. 

"If they're the best parents ever, then what does that say about mine?"

Gavin says the whole episode has brought back painful memories of last Christmas.

He said: "Mum absolutely loves Elton John, so for Christmas I got her the piano that Elton used when he wrote most of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. 

"I'd bumped into him in Wilkinsons while I was looking for curtain rails and he'd been only too happy to help. 

"I was so excited to see the look on her face when it arrived – that was until I saw a TV advert that made it clear that the perfect Christmas present for mums was actually a pampering gift set from Boots. I was crushed.

"In fairness, when the piano arrived mum did look over the moon but I knew it was just a lie.

"I can't trust anything that she says or does now. Or dad. They're both just awful, awful people."