One of the key inquiries will look at whether, as well as sexually abusing everybody who has ever worn a school uniform, Jimmy Savile also racially abused performance enhancing drugs with disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong.
That inquiry will be headed by Sir Chris Hoy and Zig from Channel 4's Big Breakfast duo, Zig and Zag.
The Director-General of the BBC, George Entwistle, said: “We'll also be investigating claims the 96 victims of the Hillsborough Tragedy were crushed to death by Jimmy Savile.
“Personally, I don't think they were, but......you know how it is.”
Mr Entwistle announced a separate inquiry, to be headed by mid-90s one-hit wonders Gala International and Ultra Nate, will look into whether alleged failures in corporate governance at the BBC had anything to do with him forgetting to put the bins out this morning.
BBC football pundit Garth Crooks and former children's TV presenter Dave Benson Phillips have also set up a commission to see whether Kick Racism Out of Football, Show Racism the Red Card, Give Racism the Boot, Leave Racism at the Turnstiles, Smash Racism into Row Z, Bend Racism Like Beckham, Make a Messi of Racism, Please Don't Use the N-Word, No Room for Racism, Black or White, It's Alright!, Don't Say or Do Anything Racist, and Be Nice To All People, Regardless of Race, Religion, Age or Sexual Persuasion, could merge to form one anti-racism organisation.
The Ferdinand brothers, Rio, Anton and Franz, have said whatever happens, they will not be wearing a t-shirt this weekend because they're all in the wash.
Nobody from racism was available for comment.
