Lance Armstrong to Oprah: "I've never ridden a bike"

THE world had hoped for repentance, contrition, and at the very least, an admission of guilt.

It got something very different.

As Lance Armstrong welcomed Oprah Winfrey into his home in Austin, Texas, for one of the most eagerly awaited celebrity interviews of the decade, it quickly became clear he wasn't about to unburden his conscience over years of drug abuse allegations which have shattered his reputation as one of the planet's greatest ever sportsmen.

Instead, Armstrong, who was stripped of his seven Tour de France titles after being found guilty by doping authorities of systematic abuse of performance enhancing drugs throughout his career, stunned the veteran talkshow host with a simple message for her and all his critics: "I've never even ridden a bike".

The jaw-dropping claim was one of a series made by the 41-year-old during the 90-minute interview, which took place in the living room of Armstrong's spacious, Spanish colonial-style home.

It was made all the more remarkable by the fact that just moments earlier, Armstrong had ridden into the room on a Raleigh Chopper and circled Oprah several times, before pulling a wheelie.

Disembarking the bike, he then brushed off Oprah's offer of an introductory handshake, and spoke directly into the camera.

"Let's get things straight once and for all.

"I don't ride bikes. I'm not a bike rider, never have been and never will be.

"I wouldn't even recognise a bike if you put one in front of me.

"All these people who are saying I've spent my career riding bikes and taking drugs, it's all just a big conspiracy to undermine me run by people - men and women - who are jealous that I've got a bigger penis than all of them put together."

When questioned about his multiple appearances in the Tour de France, widely regarded as the most prestigious and gruelling bike race of all, Armstrong replied: "I know there are clips floating about on You Tube which some people - people whose penises are so small that if you cut them all off and bundled them together, they still wouldn't fit in a matchbox - claim show me riding in the Tour de France.

"But that's bulls**t. I wasn't on a bike or in a bike, whatever that is, I was walking or running the whole time.

"And when I wasn't walking or running, I was flying, or swimming, whichever seemed more appropriate at the time.

"Besides which, I've never even been to France."

The interview footage then appears to show Armstrong lighting a crack pipe as he responds to Oprah's next question, about his alleged use of anabolic steroids.

He said: "I don't take drugs of any kind, even basic medication.

"If I get ill, I fix myself using whatever's to hand - screwdrivers, Blu Tack, whatever.

"And if I can't fix myself, I get ill and die. I've died a ton of times. It's no big deal."

The interview will air in the USA next Thursday night on the Oprah Winfrey Network.