Weather killjoys have confirmed they will once again be subjecting Britain to nearly as many storms as there are letters of the alphabet.
Met Office despots have announced there will be 21 storms in 2017/18* – the same number as last year – with each one named using a different letter of the alphabet, starting with Storm Aileen.
The news comes despite recent opinion polls which show that 76% of people disapproved of last year's storms, which included Storm Angus, Storm Doris and Storm Ivor.
The Ugly Truth caught up with some opponents of storms to get their reaction.
Brian Perryman, 76, who lost his caravan in Storm Doris, said: "I can't believe they're doing more storms. Why? What good did the last lot do? When we reached the end of the alphabet last year, I thought 'at least I can go out and buy a new caravan now', but what's the point if we're just going to get more storms again this year?"
Agatha Featherstone, 68, who lost both knees in Storm Fleur, said: "I want to know how much this is all going to cost. The money we're wasting on new storms could be spent building new schools, or finding my knees."
Ray Attwell, 58, who lost his virginity in Storm Barbara, said: "If the number of storms has to be based on the size of the alphabet, then why don't we use an alphabet with fewer letters than ours?
"We could have gone with the Greek alphabet, or one of those even more foreigny ones that have only got about three letters."
The Met Office's Head of Bad Weather, Jefferson Outrage, confirmed the decision to manufacture a further 21 storms was designed purely to hurt people's feelings.
"This year's storms are going to shit all over last year's," he said. "Wait till you see Storm Octavia. Going to the shops is going to feel like being waterboarded."
*For reasons that experts are too tired to explain, the letters Q, U, X, Y and Z aren't considered cool enough to deserve a storm.
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