Commiserations, it's a cunt!

A NEW pregnancy kit will tell a mother if her unborn child is worth having.

Current technology can only reveal whether a woman is pregnant but a new handheld device hitting shelves next month will go a step further.

Developed by Johnson and Johnson, MamaMia will turn blue if a woman is not pregnant, pink if she is, and orange if her child will turn into a right shit.

Maurice Horfield, head of fiendish technology at Johnson and Johnson, said: “Surveys suggest that 75% of parents are fond of their children but we aim to make that figure closer to 100% in future.

“Speaking personally, I have three wonderful daughters and the thought of being without them doesn't bear thinking about.

“But my son, Kevin, I could quite happily do without.”

Critics have suggested the technology could reduce the UK birthrate to zero by 2014.

And Brian Harrington, managing director of leading card manufacturer UK Greetings, said: “This is a potentially worrying development for the greetings card industry.

“While we might see a small lift in sales of 'Congratulations, it's a boy!' and 'Congratulations, it's a girl!' cards, we expect to see the market flat-line for 'Commiserations, it's a cunt!'