A TEAM of scientists has discovered that England's footballers won last night's match against Italy in just one out of the 4.5 billion known parallel universes.
In that single parallel dimension, England recorded 26% possession and scored the only goal of the game when Italy's Mario Balotelli fired into his own net in protest at his team-mate Gianluigi Buffon's poor taste in music.
England then successfully defended their goal using the Roman legionnaires' legendary testudo (toirtoise) defence (see picture, right) , which involved locking arms and forming an impenetrable barrier in front of Joe Hart's goal.
Professor Albert Heynckel, from the University of Zurich, led the study.
He said: “There is great diversity between the dimensions. For example, in one, the US Government is run by a colony of beavers and in another, there are three bands claiming to be the original One Direction, not two.
“But what's really remarkable from this study is that in not one single dimension do we see any evidence of England playing any football from the 20-minute mark onwards, nor of Ashley Young successfully passing to a team-mate.”
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