As floods continue to wreak havoc nationwide, authorities are planning to use the 1,000ft, 72-storey eyesore as a refuge centre until the waters subside.
Floods Minister Gerald Loop said: “With 60million people piling into one building, conditions will be less than ideal, so we are asking people to be considerate and only bring things that are essential, such as screaming children, phones with annoying ringtones, and chronic flatulence.”
Developer Eduard de Toit, who commissioned The Shard, said: “We are of course happy to help out the nation in a time of crisis.
“And to be honest, we had no idea what we were going to do with the building anyway so this kind of works for us.”
The Government has also hired TV psychiatrist Dr Raj Persaud (pictured below) to help the nation open up its feelings about the weather.
In a leaflet which will be handed to every person arriving in The Shard, whether they want it or not, Dr Persaud writes: “The first thing you must do is be open about your feelings about the weather. “Too many Britons can't bring themselves to say that the weather really is horrible, isn't it?
“Or they think they'll be shouted down if they say something like 'summer, what summer?'
“But actually, talking about the weather could be a great conversational starter, and become something that brings Britons of all ages, races and religions, together, if only they'd give it a chance.”
Meanwhile, 17,000 people drowned yesterday afternoon after attending a flashmob on a bridge over the River Otter in Ottery St Mary, Devon.
The river had burst its banks three hours before the scheduled flashmob and everybody who arrived to take part was swept to their deaths.
Tommy Ronaldson organised the event via a group on Facebook.
He said afterwards: “I was aware with the weather warnings beforehand that there was a risk to people's health.
“But if the rain had stayed away, the event would have been quite good fun. It was a risk I was willing to take.”
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