Nick Grimshaw (pictured, left) will take over the lucrative job of mouth-farting to the nation from September, after the BBC decided there was insufficient room in its studios to fit both Chris Moyles' bulk and his ego.
A BBC spokesman said: “We gave Chris the choice. He could either lose several stone and keep his detestable personality, or he could stay a giant, blubbering aberration but work on his social skills.
“He declined our offer so he had to go.”
Moyles (below, right) announced the news of his departure on his show this morning.
Reports in the Far East say Britain's sighs of relief could be heard as far away as China.
However, there was a twist later this morning in the form of a tweet from new host Grimshaw, in which he promised to remain true to the core values of the breakfast show slot.
He wrote: “A lot of yoo lissners mite be afrade I'm gonna turn the show all poncy or summit, but that's bollocks!”
Grimshaw promised to spend the next two months in a brutal ego training camp, at the end of which he said he hoped his misplaced sense of self-worth would be even greater than that of Moyles.
He also promised to patronise his listeners, play shite music and surround himself with even more fawning, woefully unfunny oafs than Moyles did.
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