Fear of bees will qualify you for Paralympics

BEING afraid of bees or struggling to complete a crossword will make you eligible to compete in this summer's Paralympics, organisers of the games have confirmed.

The list of qualifying 'disabilities' was expanded after organisers discovered there are no ramps or lifts to allow people with real handicaps to enter their stadia when the games begin in London in August.

Paralympics spokeswoman Wendy Swann said: “We had a meeting this morning where we agreed that we faced a straight choice between installing ramps at considerable expense, or expanding the list of eligible disabilities to include virtually anything.

“It was a quick meeting.”

Here is a list showing some of the new 'disabilities' and some traditional ailments which no longer qualify.

IN

Ineptitude at household DIY

Social awkwardness

Weak bladder

Fear of most classes of animals (except molluscs)

Poor taste in music

OUT

Wheelchair users

Persons missing one or more limbs

Deaf, mute or blind athletes

Britain's most famous Paralympian, Tanni Grey-Thompson (pictured above) who won 11 gold medals at Paralympic Games, described the decision as “disappointing”.

But the move was welcomed by loft insulation salesman Martin Hayman, of Melton Mowbray in Leicestershire.

Mr Hayman (pictured, right), who now qualifies to represent Great Britain in the 100m backstroke courtesy of his hayfever, said: “This is a wonderful, if overdue, decision taken by the Paralympic authorities.

“It's great that my mildly irritating condition will no longer prevent me from representing my nation at the highest level of sport.”