Those were the traumatised words of Sherlock star Benedict Cumberbatch, who last night lifted the lid on 18 months of torture at the hands of bland recorded messages.
At the media launch of his new book - "I'm not an unexpected item in a bagging area, I'm Benedict" - Mr Cumberbatch told journalists how the ordeal began.
He said: “It started just after I'd finished filming the first series of Sherlock.
“I'd boarded a train from London Paddington and when I got off at Reading I heard this voice telling me to mind the gap between the train and platform.
“There was nothing unusual in that, but the voice kept repeating the message during the whole of my journey home.
“Eventually it stopped and I thought nothing more of it.
“But about three weeks later, I was walking my Lurcher in the Forest of Dean when I heard another voice, still recognisably human but just as detached and monotone as the one before, telling me really insistently that the number I'd called could not be recognised.
“I ran home and I'm sad to say I've never seen my dog since.
“But the worst of it has been the last few months, when I've had this horrible message telling me I'm an unexpected item in a bagging area.
“I hear it wherever I am – at the zoo, in the bath, on the set of Sherlock, everywhere.
“I don't know what bagging area it's referring to, and I don't know what it wants me to do about it.
“It's so hard to deal with and I just want it to stop.
“I'm tired of feeling so helpless, so powerless. I know there must be other victims out there, and I hope by speaking out I can at least let them know they are not alone.”
If you've been bullied by automated messages, help is probably available. Just try googling it or something.
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