Brushing off suggestions that meaningful action to prevent their gruesome deaths would have been more helpful, several of the victims told our reporter that condemnation of the Syrian regime by Western leaders was “as good as a peace deal or military intervention.”
One mother, who was gunned down alongside her eight children, said: “Even as the bullets were raining down on us, our spirits were lifted by the certain knowledge that UK Foreign Secretary William Hague would publicly denounce the slaughter as “jolly mean” within 24 hours.”
A father-of-six who was blown apart by an artillery shell added: “Some people are saying that it would be better if the leaders of the free world did something, rather than simply racing to be the first one to criticise this massacre as a nasty business, but we want them to know that their empty words fill our hearts more than the promise of an immediate end to the bloodshed ever could.”
At a press conference this afternoon, UK Prime Minister David Cameron described the killings as “rather inappropriate” and said if there were more deaths, he would consider reducing the number of free Olympic tickets given to Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and his family.
Other Western leaders were equally quick to condemn the massacre, which has claimed the lives of more than 100 men, women and children.
US President Barack Obama told reporters in Washington that the killings were “unhelpful” and he promised to give President al-Assad a frosty glare the next time he saw him.
New French President Francoise Hollande said the killers' actions “lacked grace and sophistication” while German Chancellor Angela Merkel said that given the choice, she would rather the massacre hadn't happened at all.
Meanwhile, UN special envoy Kofi Annan, who is fitting in work on a peace plan for the region around work on his debut solo album, said a roadmap to lasting peace in Syria would be published as soon as the United Nations headquarters in New York were restocked with laminated paper.
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