Double-dip recession "just like Dallas" - Cameron

DAVID Cameron has told Parliament he is confident Britain's double-dip recession is actually a fictional plot device like series seven of Dallas – and poses no threat to our economy.

Mr Cameron informed MPs that he would wake any day now and open his bathroom door to find a perfectly healthy economy inside.

He said: “The idea that such a talented collection of men and women could have made such a hash of the economy – just like the previous lot did - is fanciful.

“Now that I know this is just a dream, I'm a lot more relaxed about the situation.

“And as it's my dream, I can do whatever I want, like invade Bradford West, or take VAT off gold cufflinks.”