Scientists hail tasteless gag breakthrough

SCIENTISTS say they have perfected a computer which can establish precisely how soon after the death of a celebrity it is acceptable to make a tasteless joke at their expense.

A team from the University of East Anglia has been testing a series of offensive jokes in laboratory conditions for the past six years, using a complex series of algorithms, levers, buttons and pulleys.

Professor Gerald Swinton explained that the breakthrough came when the computer – named ATHRON 5 – was able to correctly predict that by 9.15am on April 17, there would be general acceptance in most UK workplaces of a gag about the deaths of two horses in the Grand National three days earlier.

Professor Swinton added: “It hasn't been easy, especially as only three of our team of 12 have any idea what an algorithm is.

“We'd had some promising results over the past few years, but nothing concrete.

“Back in 2010, an earlier prototype, ATHRON 3, correctly predicted that it would take the general public precisely six days, three hours and 11 minutes to take a joke about the death of much-loved rugby commentator Bill McClaren, in good heart.

“But then the computer totally blew it by misreading the public's reaction to the death of Gary Coleman later that year.”

Professor Swinton and his team believe the breakthrough could revolutionise the way we approach tasteless jokes.

"We're not far off the day when an office wag can safely deliver a tasteless, yet moderately amusing gag about the passing of a Coronation Street actor, for example, without fear of offending his or her colleagues.

"It's the silver bullet we've been waiting for."

It is not yet known when a version of ATHRON 5 will be available for public use, but there has already been strong demand from stand-up comics.

Earlier this year, Jimmy Carr was forced to apologise to the family of the late blues singer Etta James, after making an ill-advised quip about her passing from leukaemia, four days before it happened.

Mr Carr initially blamed the incident on an administrative error, but later admitted he had stolen an untested version of the ATHRON 4 prototype, which has since been put in a box and placed on top of a very tall cupboard so nobody can reach it.