UK unemployment was slashed to an all-time low of zero last night, after the Government controversially rebranded poncing around with an iPhone as a full-time career.
iPhone-using twonks will now receive a basic salary of three apps a month. Labour leader Ed Miliband argued the move would do nothing to improve overall living standards in the UK, and would make iPhone users even smugger.
Prime Minister David Cameron rejected the criticism, and said poncing around with an iPhone was a noble British tradition dating back several months.
Mr Cameron then created an unflattering picture of Mr Miliband on the Draw Something app on his iPhone 4S. Nobody from technology was available for comment.
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